#1/22 base: Artificial Reality
      from: Amadeus
      to  : Wesley Crusher
      on  : Sat 17-Sep-1994  6:14p  *RECEIVED*

On Fri l6-Sep-1994 1O:16p, Wesley Crusher wrote:
WC>         Let me take a minute to explain to you the philosophies that I try
WC> to lead my life by, and even thou I don't suceed all the time, I try to
WC> to.
WC>         #1:  Just because you can do a thing, it does not mean you must, or
WC> should, do that thing.
WC>         #2:  Life is NEVER fair!  Take the good with the bad.
WC>         #3:  Never take anything too lightly.
WC>         #4:  Always stand behind your Government.  With your support, they
WC> will do the RIGHT thing.
WC>         #5:  Respect and listen to your elders, they know alot more than
WC> you.
WC>         #6:  Do not listen to your peers.  Make your own decisions if
WC> nesesary.
WC>         #7:  Better safe, than sorry.
WC>         #8:  Never make fun of someone because of  beliefs, and or looks
WC>         #9:  Don't be affended by things that inderectly bash you, because
WC> you most likely misunderstand.
WC>         #10:  BE OPEN TO NEW IDEAS, AND NEW WAY'S OF THINKING!!!
WC>         #11:  Treat others as you would like to be treated.
WC>         #12:  Learn to take a joke.
WC>         #13:  Don't insult, if you can't stand to take the insults
WC>         #14:  The only time you don't have to folow some kind of rule is
WC> when your sleeping.
WC>         #15:  Enjoy life with caution!!!!!  If you slip, you might not
WC> live to tell it.

 Ladies and Gentlemen, President Crusher has just left the podium for a second.
Let's go to our political advisers at MSU and see what they have to say about
Wes's list. Dave?

 Uh, thank you, Milt. As you can see by the chart, we have synopsized Mr.
Crusher's statements into actual laymen's terms for ease of clarification:


1. Don't go out on a limb. Don't take chances. If your asshole is not tight
enough, something might crawl in.
2. Everyone picks on me, but I can take it. I'm a man! My grammy tol' me so!
3. Everything is serious! Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that
everyone isn't REALLY out to get ya!
4. If YOU believe in fairies, clap your hands and TinKerbell will live!!!!
5. Respect and listen to your elders, they know a lot more about things than
you do (unless YOU are ME)
6. I don't NEED to listen to anyone my own age. What da fuck can they tell me
that *I* don't already know?

7. Again, sit at home, go to work, don't take any chances and live to be the
average age of a 32 year old stock-broker.
8. Never make fun of someone because of beliefs....now if they have different
beliefs than ME....welll...........
9. If I say that 'all people who don't enjoy Star Trek are morons', don't take
it like I was saying that you were stupid if you didn't watch Star Trek!
10. Be open to new ideas and new ways of thinking.....I come up with them all
the time, but you people are too stupid to understand me!
11. Treat others as you would like to be treated, within your own station, of
course.
12.Learn how to laugh at my insults to you.
13.You'll get exactly what you give to me!
14. I am such an anal-retentive panty-waist that I must have someone telling me
what to do and when to do it, twenty four hours a day or I might fuck up myself
or something else very badly.
15. Life is too precious to waste on having fun and trying new and exciting
things. Just enjoy breathing and be content with what you have.

 Uhhh, thanks Dave...... Oh, look, President Crusher has once again entered the
press room, let's listen!

!$@#!*#%^!@*^!%#^&*&^$^@!$*&!^$(TRANSMISSION END)!*$(@*&%^$!@^&%@$*$%@$!
 Damn! Looks like we lost the signal! Dave, can you give us a synopsis on what
Wes is saying??

 My pleasure, Milt.
Lessee......hmmm.....uh-huh.......uhhhh-huh......mmmmmm.......ok......ok......
.....yes..........I see.

Ok, basically what the President is saying in the last part of his speech is
that the reason he called this press conference in the first place was that he
was tired of having to answer up to his responses, especially when he was
having to answer to a bunch of ignorant morons who aren't good enough or smart
enough to even be in the same room with him. He ambles on a little bit about
how smart he is, then clenches it by saying TH-THA-THAT'S AAAALLLLLLLL
F-F-Folks! Respond to this all ya like, but I ain't gonna listen, cause I don't
have a rat's ass chance in hell of coming up with a reasonable debate to
anything that I just posted.

 Whoa! That's some pretty heavy commentary, Dave! How do you think that
president is going to respond when he hears it?

 Well, Milt, I suspect that he will do what he always does....namely, whine,
moan, say that everyone is picking on him, allude to the fact that he is more
intelligent than even HE can say, slam Doogie and Gambit a little bit and then
go back to his room and whack his weenie........the usual.


 OUCH! 000000K, Dave. That's all the time we have for now. See ya tomorrow!
Same time, same station, saaaaaaaaaaaaaame bullshit!!!

;>

            
 T T  T T T 
*  AMADEUS *

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